I'm Forever Blowing Bubbles

Ghurka Or Burka ?

2010-07-17T12:05:00.003+01:00

Nice to see that the French Parliament have banned the practice of Muslim women covering their faces with a Ghurka. Not before time - nobody should be forced to sit on a Muslim woman's face, least of all these brave Nepalese warriors. If they really want to hide their faces a black bin liner would be more than adequate.

First Round Fervour At Fenton

2010-06-22T14:33:00.001+01:00

The Fenton Chess Club Internal Championship kicked off last night, accompanied by the sound of South African Vuvuzela horns, or Baboon Bassoons as they're otherwise called.

The night wasn't without it's upsets as John Amison, a once strong player but now in terminal decline, laboured to a draw against promising young club junior player, Stuart Hull. This was reminiscent of England's game against Algeria with John expected to win at a canter, but it was young Stuart who provided all of the sparkle and John left the club with the sound of the fans boos ringing in his ears.

The other theory is that John deliberately tried not to win in order to avoid a strong player in Round 2. This is blatant cheating in anybody's book and could provoke an investigation by Martyn Harris, the Judge Jeffries of Newcastle. A public hanging could be the ultimate outcome.

The major upset of the round was John White's win over Robet West, a player graded no less than 51 points higher than him.

Elsewhere, new member and relative novice, Shane Benton gave Tony Holdford a very tough game before succumbing to Tony's superior experience in the endgame. Shane is looking like being a very welcome addition to one of the club's teams next season.

Paula Yates and Jasper Carrott seemed more interested in the sandwiches than the chess but Jasper showed slightly more interest and finished Paula off while she was arguing with me over the last pork pie.

Ernie and I had hard fought wins over Derek Shitehead and Joe Orsolics repectively, both games lasting until the end of the evening.

Karl Walklate and Phil Grocott were keener than everybody else and played their match last week with Karl coming out on top.

The final game of the round was the All Taleban match between Dusty Bin Laden and Hamid Shabani. Unfortunately Dusty performed his usual trick and dropped out an hour before play was due to start, giving his opponent a win by default.

Neal Davies and Peter Tideswell both took half point byes in this round.

So Tony Holdford, the bookies favourite, has taken an early lead in the competition by virtue of his 1st Round win and the half point bye he has already been given in Round 6.

A Historic Quadruple

2010-05-23T21:30:00.001+01:00

The Special One completed a historic quadruple at the weekend, adding the European Champions League title to the Serie 'A' title, the Coppa Italia and the North Staffs Chess League Div 4 title. I also managed to find time to turn out for the 'D' team at Cheddleton on Friday night and managed a win on Board 2 with my new Diamond Formation.

There is now intense speculation that I will be moving to El Estadio Santiago Bernabeu next season as the San Siro is not expected to be able to cope with the increased membership of Fenton Chess Club.

Captain Crap Cocks It Up

2010-05-18T10:21:00.001+01:00

Last night's final match of the season for the 'C' Team ended in disappointment and our first loss of the season by 3-1 against a strong Cheddleton 'E' side.

It all started so well with a win by Jasper Carrott on Board 1 in about 30 minutes. This should have been followed by a win for me but I managed a colossal cock up to lose to Megan Moruzzi on Board 4. I overlooked winning a Bishop and instead made a move that immediately lost the game. I'd like to say that I was distracted by her micro skirt but, on this occasion, she wasn't wearing one so that excuse is out of the window. Had I been concentrating we'd have been 2-0 up and retained our unbeaten record so nobody's to blame except me.

Richard was in a good position on Board 3 but miscalculated at a crucial point and found himself a Knight down. Despite having some pressure he was unable to sustain it and the inevitable loss followed.

Ming's game on Board 2 against Colin Abell was his usual mixture of a useless opening followed by playing his way back into the game, eventually ending up with a Rook and 2 Knights against 2 Rooks. Unfortunately his opponent also had 2 very strong Queen side pawns on QN5 and QR6. Ming the looked to have mating possibilities at one point but his opponent exchanged one of his Rooks for a Knight, leaving himself a Knight down but with 2 unstoppable Queen side pawns, one of which he then promoted. Once again, the inevitable loss ensued.

It was very disappointing to lose our unbeaten record in our final game but this should not detract from our overall performance this season.

My thanks to everybody who has turned out for the 'C' Team this season and made us worthy champions.

The 'D' Team Clinch the Division 5 Title

2010-05-11T12:19:00.001+01:00

Well done to Mark Whitby's 'D'Team on clinching the Division 5 title last night. Needing only 1 point to guarantee them at least a share of the title, and 2 points to win it outright, they defeated Cheddleton 'F', one of the only 2 teams who could catch them, b y 2.5 - 1.5. This puts the 'D' Team 3 points clear of their final opponents, Cheddleton 'H', and in an unassailable position at the top of the league.

A Royal Pasting At The Royal British Legion

2010-05-11T12:13:00.001+01:00

The 'A' Team finished the season with a flourish last night by beating Meir 'A' by 3.5 - 1.5 at the Royal British Legion Club. The 'A' Team are now unbeaten in their last 4 matches of the season with 3 wins and a draw.

Early Grandmaster draws by Mr T and Jasper Carrott got the evening off to a level start. John Amison returned to form with a good win over Clive Ferry to put us into a 2-1 lead. Danny looked to be heading for defeat until his opponent blundered a piece away, leaving Danny with a straightforward win and putting Fenton into a match winning lead of 3-1. My opponent and I agreed a draw shortly afterwards to give Fenton a very good 3.5 - 1.5 win.

This win pushes us 5 points clear of Holmes Chapel Knights and Holmes Chapel Rooks although, unfortunately, it does not improve our league position.

However, this was a very encouraging finish to the season and makes one wonder where we might have finished had we been able to field a full strength side throughout the year.

'C' Team Remain Unbeaten

2010-05-08T10:57:00.001+01:00

The 'C' team were away to a very strong Cheddleton team in their penultimate match of the season last night. Emperor Ming did something he never usually does - he was the first to finish with a Grandmaster draw on Board 2 after about only 30 minutes. The Magician, playing on Board 4, found himself in a winning position against Megan Moruzzi with the advantage of a Rook and Pawn for a Bishop but then got distracted by his opponents micro skirt and returned both Rook and Pawn. Fortunately he pulled himself together and managed to win a Bishop and won the game shortly after, putting us into a 1.5 - 0.5 lead. Ernie Wilkinson, playing on Board 3, offered his opponent a draw on 3 seperate occasions and each time his opponent declined. Ernie then managed to engineer the exchange of a Bishop, Queen and Rook on the Queen side, leaving his opponent with a Queen's Rook Pawn that he was unable to defend. Ernie went on to play an excellent endgame to win the game and put us into a match winning position of 2.5 - 0.5. Things were a bit different on Board 1 where Jasper Carrott was in a losing position. He was down by a Bishop for Rook and Pawn and his opponent also had 3 connected central passed pawns on the 4th, 5th and 6th ranks. All looked lost until his opponent inexplicably left his Rook en prise. Rob promptly whipped it off and found himself with the advantage of a Bishop for 2 Pawns. At this point, with the match won, he agreed a draw, giving us an excellent 3-1 win.

The 'C' Team are still unbeaten this season, with only one match to play. This is a home match against last night's opponents on Monday 17th May and our objective, having already won the league, must be to finish the season unbeaten.

The Mini-Revival Continues

2010-05-07T08:49:00.000+01:00

Before anybody starts getting visions of John Amison in a Mary Quant skirt I should say that I'm talking about the Fenton 'A' Team !!!

We are now unbeaten in our last 3 matches following our draw with Holmes Chapel Rooks on Monday evening. Once again we were without several key players - The Pole Dancer, Mr T and The Weasel - meaning that myself and Emperor Ming had to turn out. We both rose to the occasion though with Ming winning on Board 4 and me winning on Board 5. A draw on Board 3 for Dusty Bin Laden gave us a 2.5 - 0.5 lead. Unfortunately we were unable to get the last half point we needed for victory as both John and Jasper Carrott lost on Boards 1 and 2 respectively.

Next up is our final match of the season away to Meir 'A' on Monday evening. Meir are currently 4th in the league and 11 points in front of us. However, we have a very strong team available on this occasion and I'm confident that we will be good enough to win.

Stafford Stuffed

2010-04-23T02:20:00.004+01:00

Fenton 'A' travelled to Stafford this evening, once again minus 4 of our strongest players - John, The Weasel, Jasper Carrott and Dusty Bin Laden. This was further compounded by the non-arrival of our Board 1, the Pole Dancer. Fortunately The Magician, our travelling reserve, stepped into the breach but it meant that everybody had to move up a board. We were heavily outgraded on the top 3 boards with Stafford fielding a player graded 192 on Board 1, outgrading Tony Holdford by 38 points.
However, the Fenton team rose to the occasion magnificently. A draw from the Magician on Board 5, followed by a loss for Emperor Ming on Board 3 meant that we trailed by 1.5 - 0.5 early on. It should be noted though that Ming was outgraded by 35 points and it was no disgrace to lose. I managed to bring us level with a win on Board 4 before Tony held his much higher graded opponent to a draw on Board 1. This left the score at 2-2 and everything resting on Danny Griffiths on Board 2. Despite being a pawn up early in the game Danny came under a lot of pressure but somehow survived to go into the endgame with a Knight and 4 Pawns against a Bishop and 2 Pawns. Some very accurate play ensured that Danny got the win against a player graded 10 points higher than him, thus giving Fenton an unexpected 3-2 victory and taking us 3 points clear of Holmes Chapel Knights and Holmes Chapel Rooks at the foot of the table.

This was the 2nd win in a row for Fenton 'A' following a very shaky start to the season. I can only put this down to the inspired Captaincy since I took over a couple of weeks ago. I'm rapidly becoming the Jose Mourinho of Staffordshire chess. I am, indeed, The Special One !!!

Our final 2 games are against Holmes Chapel Rooks and 2nd in the table Meir 'A'. We'll be looking to win both of these matches to finish the season on a high following our disappointing start.

Final Fiasco

2010-04-20T12:00:00.000+01:00

Well it wasn't to be in the Perry Trophy Final against Newcastle last night. 2 draws and 2 losses from Fenton meant that Newcastle ran out as worthy 3-1 winners. On paper it looked like an exceptionally close match with barely any grading points seperating all of the players. However, it was the Newcastle team of 60's pop icon Sandie Shaw, Paul Crapham, Tommy Cooper and Tom Jones who rose to the occasion. Richard Cantliff was the Puppet On a String on Board 1 for Fenton and set the tone for the evening with an early loss against Sandie Shaw. He was followed shortly afterwards by Robert West on Board 4, who lost a piece against Tom Jones and resigned shortly afterwards saying "It's Not Unusual". This left myself and Neal Davies needing wins on Boards 2 and 3 to win the match for us on board count. Unfortunately it wasn't to be as my game against Tommy Cooper petered out into a draw - just like that !! Any hope of Paul Crapham performing his usual trick of losing on time were extinguished when we agreed to play on Trentham Mean Time, which has 75 minutes in each hour, instead of Greenwich Meantime. With the match score already standing at 2.5 - 0.5 in favour of Newcastle, and the Trophy in their pocket, Neal and Paul agreed a draw, resulting in a 3-1 win for the Newcastle Celebrity team.

No Volcanic Ash In Cheddleton

2010-04-17T09:34:00.001+01:00

In fact the only thing going up in smoke was the Cheddleton team in the U-110 Cup Semi-Final. At one point, in the days leading up to this match, it looked like we might have to default it as we were having great difficulty in raising a team. In the end we scraped 4 players together and headed up to the wastelands of Leek with what, on paper, was nowhere near our strongest side and fearing the worst. However, Pete Tideswell, ever the big match player, got us off to a flyer with an early win on Board 3. Carl, playing on Board 2, then decided it was time to abandon his usual tactic of playing for a draw and quickly went a piece up and also obtained a very strong position. Derek's game on Board 4 was looking very dicey when I looked at it. He was a pawn down and his position didn't look too clever. 10 minutes later when I looked again he was up by a Knight for 2 pawns. At this point, with Carl looking likely to win and my game being level, I indicated to Derek that he should take a draw, which he duly did. This put us 1.5 - 0.5 in the lead. I had a much stronger position in my game on Board 1 but offered the draw in order to strengthen our hold on the match. My opponent accepted so this left us needing only a draw from Carl's game to give us the match. This was academic as Carl's opponent then blundered by allowing his 2 Rooks to be forked by Carl's Knight and then losing on time very shortly afterwards. This gave us an unexpected 3-1 victory and a home match in the Final on Monday evening against Newcastle.

New Venue - New Captain - Result !!!!

2010-04-13T10:09:00.002+01:00

Playing our first match at our new venue last night, under the inspirational leadership of our new temporary Captain (ie : ME !!), the 'A' team recorded their best result of the season with a 4-1 thumping of Holmes Chapel Knights. This result takes Fenton off the foot of the table, above both HC Knights and HC Rooks, although both of these teams have games in hand of us. Nonetheless, it shows that Fenton are a force to be reckoned with when we can field our strongest side, something we have been unable to do up until last night. The only player missing was Tony Holdford but Jerry, Andy, John, Rob and Abdulbari was still a very strong side. The Weasel got us off to a good start with a quick win on Board 2, closely followed by Dusty Bin Laden on Board 5. Draws by John on Board 3 and Jasper Carrott on Board 4 ensured that the match was won before Jerry wrapped things up with a fine win on Board 1.

The 'D' Team took another small step towards the Division 5 title with a 2-2 draw at Meir 'C'. This result puts us 3 points clear of Cheddleton 'F' at the top of the table and leaves us needing 2 points from our remaining 2 matches to wrap up the title. However, this is no foregone conclusion as our remaining matches are against Cheddleton 'F' and 'H', both of whom could catch us if we slip up.

It was good to see the club well supported last night. Despite the fact that we had 2 teams in action, 5 members not playing turned up at the club and, later in the evening, John White and Mark Whitby turned up following the conclusion of their match at Meir.

Thanks to the Sports & Social Club for laying on sandwiches, etc. This should prove a great incentive for people to turn up in the future !!

The New Venue

2010-04-06T21:45:00.000+01:00

Stuart, John, Carl and myself went over to our new venue last night - the Fenton Sports & Social Club - to store the equipment and to sort all the pieces out into complete sets. The people there were exceptionally friendly and interested in what we were doing and seem to be very pleased to be hosting a chess club. The facilities are excellent - they even said they lay on sandwiches on match nights - and I think we'll get on really well there. We were very lucky to have the New Albert as a temporary home and everybody is very grateful to Lynn for allowing us to play there. However, I think it was always the intention to move back to Fenton as soon as we found a suitable venue and we've finally done that so it's now onwards and upwards for North Staffordshire's most iconic chess club !!

Meir 'B' Overawed And Overpowered By The Top Dogs

2010-03-30T22:20:00.002+01:00

With the Division 4 title already sewn up Fenton 'C' made the short trip to Meir on Monday evening. Illness had already robbed us of Richard Cantliff and less than an hour before the match was due to start we lost Jasper Carrott who was seconded to play for the 'A' Team. So for the 2nd week running we were unable to field our strongest team. The Magician stepped up to the plate again though and together with Derek Shitehurst we managed to draw both games on Board 3 and 4. Wins on Boards 1 and 2 by Emperor Ming and myself meant that we ran out comfortable 3-1 winners. So with two matches left to play - both against Cheddleton 'E' - we are still unbeaten and way out of sight of every other team.

All eyes are now on Mark Whitby and the 'D' Team, who are 2 points clear at the top of Division 5 with 3 matches to play. They also have a game in hand of all of their main challengers. Too early to be getting the champagne out yet but if we can field our best team for the final few matches we have a great chance of making it a Division 4 and 5 double.

Congratulations to Emperor Ming on winning the U-130 Section at the Newcastle Mini Congress at the weekend. His £72 prize was then pissed up the wall before it had time to burn a hole in his pocket.

'C' Are The Champions ............

2010-03-28T00:46:00.000Z

I had the temerity to go away for a few day's break this week and was rewarded by it pissing down with rain from start to finish, although the sun did shine as I was driving home !!

My absence meant that I was unable to play in the 'C' team match against Kidsgrove - a match that would guarantee us at least a share of the Division 4 Championship if we won it. The unavailability of Rob Taylor, Emperor Ming, Richard Cantliff and myself meant that the entire usual 'C' team were unavailable. However, The Magician stepped into the breach to Captain the team to what had looked an unlikely 2.5 - 1.5 win. Unfortunately he didn't lead by example in his own game, or so he tells me, as he lost on time whilst being up by a King, Rook and 4 Pawns against a King and a Pawn. Excellent wins by Neal Davis and John White on Boards 2 and 4, together with an equally excellent draw by the Mad Mullah on Board 1 gave us the win we needed.

This was a fantastic win for the team and demonstrates the strength in depth that Fenton have at this level. Many thanks to Stuart for organising the team in my absence.

This meant that the only team that could now catch us were Newcastle 'D'. If we lost all of our remaining 3 matches and they won their remaining 2 matches they could equal our points total.

Unfortunately for Newcastle, but fortunately for us, Newcastle were beaten by Cheddleton 'E' on Friday night so whatever happens in our remaining matches we have now won the Championship outright with 3 matches to spare.

Our remaining matches are - Meir 'B' (Away) this coming Monday and Cheddleton 'E' (Away) on 7th May and Cheddleton 'E' (Home) on 17th May. It would be nice if, as well as winning the Championship, we could go through the season undefeated and that's what I will be trying to do.

Is Your PC Running Like A 3-Legged Dog ??

2010-03-18T21:17:00.000Z

Nothing like the power of the internet to advertise yourself so, in case anybody is mildly interested or even needs to use my services, I've added a link to my own website on the right hand side of my blog.

Still Not Over The Finishing Line ......

2010-03-17T09:51:00.003Z

Last Wednesday saw the 'C' Team in action against Newcastle 'D' and needing a win to guarantee us at least a share of the Championship. Things looked rosy to start with as Newcastle defaulted on Board 4. Unfortunately Emperor Ming then dragged them back into the match by playing his usual Fuckwit Opening and was duly polished off by Paul Clapham. Draws by myself and Richard resulted in the match being drawn 2-2. Next week we are at home to Kidsgrove 'B' where, realistically, a draw could still give us the Championship, with 3 games still to play, as other teams will be playing each other and taking points off each other.

Saturday saw the usual Fenton contingent of myself, Richard, Carl, Stuart and Emperor Ming travel to Birmingham to play for the Staffs Terriers against Warwickshire, where their top 8 boards all outgraded our Board 1. Richard unfortunately lost his game but draws by Carl and Emperor Ming, plus a win for me, meant that Fenton contributed 2 of the Staffs total of 5.5 points. So yet another match where Staffs lost by the odd point and I'm still waiting to be on a winning side !!

By The Skin Of Our Teeth

2010-02-12T13:33:00.000Z

The 'C' Team just scraped by against Newcastle 'D' in the Division 4 Clash Of The Titans on Wednesday evening. We were without our strongest player as Jasper Carrott was away on business. Well that's what he says anyway but he was probably drowning his sorrows after the mighty Hammers put the Blue Noses in their place. A very close fought match finally ended 2.5 - 1.5 in our favour - but not after some nervous moments. First up to finish was Ernie Wilkinson on Board 4, followed by another draw by myself on Board 3. Emperor Ming, playing on Board 2, lost a Queen for a Rook and a Knight - he'll tell you he planned it but I know differently !! - and I wrongly assumed he was heading for defeat. 5 minutes later he was walking around with a smirk on his face and his ridiculous woolly hat on his head and telling me that he'd actually won. That put us 2-1 in front and only Richard to finish. It looked like his unbeaten league record was about to go as he was 2 pawns down against Paul Clapham going into the endgame. Unfortunately Paul was in time trouble and eventually agreed to a draw and giving Fenton the match.

We are now 6 points clear at the top of Division 4 and edging closer to the Championship with each match. Next up is Cheddleton 'E' next Friday.

Duck Finally Broken

2010-02-10T00:11:00.000Z

The 'A' Team finally broke their duck last night, beating Holmes Chapel Rooks 3-2 in the Division 2 bottom of the table battle. This was despite the absence of Jerry, John and The Weasel - maybe there's a lesson to be learned there !!
Emperor Ming was the first to finish and, despite playing his usual crap opening, managed to cling on for a draw against Sandra Blackburn on Board 4. Or was he clinging onto Sandra Blackburn's drawers ? I'm not sure, but it was one of the two !! Tony followed closely afterwards with another draw against John Blackburn. Yet another good win for Jasper Carrott on Board 2 put us into a 2-1 lead and, with Mark Whitby's game looking drawn and Joe Orsolic heading for defeat, it looked like the match was going to end all square. Joe duly lost, although he put up a very good show, but Mark then turned on a Captain's performance on Board 3 to outplay his opponent in the endgame and got what had looked like an unlikely win a few minutes earlier.
Unfortunately this doesn't lift us off the bottom of the league but we are now joint bottom, along with Homes Chapel Rooks and Holmes Chapel Knights.
Rumour has it that there will be a Gay Division next season and Holmes Chapel Queens are favourites to win it.

The Fab Four

2010-01-24T13:19:00.001Z

No - it's not the Beatles - they all had hair !!! It's the Fenton quartet who are still unbeaten in the league, often by the skin of their teeth but who cares :

Tony, Richard, The Magician and Paula.

We are now into the second half of the season so to remain unbeaten for this long is a great achievement. Well done to all of them and let's hope they can keep it up for another couple of months.

'A' Team Woes Continue But 'C' Team Still King Of The Hill

2010-01-22T09:37:00.005Z

I've been a bit lax on the blog front lately so apologies to my large army of fans and groupies who hang on my every word.

Last Friday saw Fenton take on Hassell in the U-110 Trophy - now known as the Perry Trophy - and emerge with a 3-1 win. This takes us into the Semi-Final against Cheddleton on the 12th March. However, this win wasn't as straightforward as it appears. The night started well with Peter Tideswell - always the man for the big occasion - and they don't come much bigger than Hassell !! - getting a quick win on Board 4. Phil Grocott was 2 pawns up and appeared to be heading for a win on Board 3 but managed to screw things up and lost. I then gave Eliot Green the spanking he richly deserved on Board 1, sending us into a 2-1 lead and leaving Paula Yates on Board 2 needing only a draw to send us through. However, having not bothered to Castle again, he found himself in a lost position. This would have resulted in the match being drawn at 2-2 and Hassell going through on board count. Fortunately for Paula his opponent was in severe time trouble and blundered at the end, enabling Paula to execute a Knight fork and winning a Rook. His opponent immediately resigned and walked off without even shaking hands - so much for sportsmanship. This unlikely win for Paula gave us victory in the match - something that had looked extremely unlikely a few minutes earlier.

The following day saw 5 of the Fenton Mafia heading for Leicestershire to play for the Staffordshire Terriers. We had mixed fortunes, with Carl scoring a good win and myself, Stuart and Emperor Ming drawing. Unfortunately, Richard's unbeaten start to the season finally came to an end when he lost on Board 3.

Monday night saw 2 matches taking place at the New Albert, with table topping Fenton 'C' hosting Kidsgrove 'B' and Fenton 'A' taking on Alsager 'A'.

The 'A' Team - minus Mr T and Hannibal Smith - turned in their usual insipid performance and went down 3.5 - 1.5, thus maintaining their record of not having won a match this season and staying rooted to the bottom of Division 2. Tony Holdford got us off to a reasonable start with a good draw on Board 1 but The Weasel then lost his 5th game in a row on Board 2 to maintain his 100% winless start to the season. Ernie Wilkinson turned in another good performance on Board 4 to secure a draw but Emperor Ming was never in danger of contributing to the points total on Board 5. A good performance by Dusty Bin Laden, fresh from representing Guantanamo Bay in the Cuban League, saw him take half a point on Board 3.

The 'C' Team maintained their position at the top of Division 4 with a good win over Kidsgrove 'B'. Victories on Boards 1 and 3 for Rob Taylor and myself took us into a 2-0 lead. At this point Richard was a pawn up, and in what looked like a winning endgame on Board 2, and new boy Derek Whitehurst was a piece down and looking lost on Board 4. However, in the blink of an eye it all changed. Richard blundered and left a Knight en prise and went from a won position to a lost position. At this point, over on Board 4, Derek managed to retrieve the situation in his game and got both of his Rooks onto the 6th rank and actually threatened checkmate if his opponent made one wrong move. His opponent had no option other than to accept a draw by repetition. This put us 2.5 - 0.5 in the lead and guaranteed us winning the match, regardless of the outcome of Richard's game. Richard managed to find something from somewhere though and with the threat of losing a Bishop or allowing Richard's Queen to cause havoc on the back rank, his opponent also had to settle for a draw by repetition.

This win put us 4 points clear at the top of Division 4. Our closest rivals are Newcastle 'D', who are also our next opponents on 10th February. A win in this match would put us into an almost unassailable position.

Fenton 'B' are away to top of the table Cheddleton 'D' in Division 3 tonight. If The Magician can perform the 3 card trick and mastermind a win for us we would leapfrog into 2nd place in the league. - just like that !!!

Miserable New Year

2010-01-03T12:37:00.000Z

I won't be wishing anybody a Happy New Year because it's a load of bollocks and anyway I'm a miserable bastard.

Anti-Social Networking.

2009-12-21T11:50:00.000Z

I see that the North Staffs Chess League now have a Twitter account and will be publishing regular Tweets to keep us informed of what's going on. In response to this, Fenton Chess Club have opened a Twatter account and will be publishing regular Twats. Far more appropriate !!!!

Yam Yams Wham Bammed

2009-12-12T10:48:00.001Z

A great win for Fenton in the Withnall Trophy on Wednesday evening against Walsall Kipping. Wins on Boards 1 and 3 by Emperor Ming (playing without the aid of a Stella 6 Pack) and myself, plus draws on Boards 4 and 5 by Ernie Wilkinson and Paula Yates, gave us a 3-2 victory. The margin could possibly have been even greater had Paula not blundered a Knight advantage away at the end of his game and salvaged a draw from the jaws of victory !!! Rob West was unable to get anything from his game on Board 2 and lost fairly early on. I appear to have made a mistake in my last blog when I said that a win would take us into the Semi-Finals. Apparently this was a Preliminary Round game so we have only made it into the First Round proper.

My other mistake was in not noticing that Ernie Wilkinson has an unbeaten record to match that of Richard and The Magician. In a tremendous start to his first season with the club Ernie has 2 wins, 5 draws and no losses from his 7 matches.

Sitting On Top Of The World

2009-12-08T15:29:00.001Z

The 'C' team cruised to the top of Division 4 with an emphatic 3.5 - 0.5 win over nearest rivals Newcastle 'D' in a re-arranged match yesterday evening. A prior appointment prevented me from playing but I was able to get there in time to see Mark getting an early win against Pete Shaw on Board 1. Richard then won the exchange in his game on Board 3 and the inevitable win followed. His unbeaten start to the season continues, a feat only equalled this season by The Magician. Ernie won a pawn in his game on Board 4 and looked to have a good position going into the endgame. Unfortunately he then blundered the pawn away and the game petered out into a draw. Emperor Ming ignored all my instructions to take an earlier draw on Board 2 against Paul Clapham, which would have virtually sealed the match for us at that point. He then screwed the game up in his own inimitable fashion and found himself a Queen down. Fortunately for him Paul was very short on time, a commodity he ran out of just before he could finish Ming off. I can only assume Ming's bravado was fuelled by the 4 bottles of Stella he drank during the match.

The 'A' team, playing their home game at Meir, got a good 2.5 - 2.5 draw against Stafford 'B'. Unfortunately this still leaves them without a win this season and still rooted to the bottom of Division 2. The continuing unavailability of key players (Jerry, John and Abdulbari) meant that we had to field a weakened team yet again so, in the circumstances, a draw was a good result. Hopefully Jerry will be available again very soon and John's health will improve enough to enable him to play the standard of chess he is capable of. The same can't be said of the Mad Mullah who let us down late in the day for the fourth game running. Sadly, Andy Stoat's run of bad form continued with his fourth loss in four games this season - The Weasel will need to improve soon or the shotgun will be coming out. Tony Holdford retrieved the situation with a good win on Board 2 and Rob, Neal and Stuart (our permanent travelling reserve) made sure we shared the points with draws on Boards 3, 4 and 5. Stuart's draw ensured that he remains unbeaten this season and his grading is rapidly approaching 200.

So the club are in pretty good shape coming up to the Christmas period. The 'C' and 'D' teams are top of their respective divisions and we are in the semi-finals of the Open, Major and Intermediate Cups. We are also in the Quarter Final of the Withnall Trophy, which we won last year. This match is against Walsall Kipping and is due to be played at Stafford tomorrow evening (Wednesday). Finger crossed that we can take the club to our 4th semi-final of the season. We're not Staffordshire's Premier Club for nothing !!!

Cheddleton Spring A Leek

2009-12-06T10:26:00.000Z

Congratulations to Mark Whitby and his team on a great win at Cheddleton & Leek 'G' on Friday night. The 'D' team have now leapfrogged Cheddleton 'F' at the top of Division 5 and now go into the Christmas period with a 1 point lead and a game in hand. We are also 4 points clear of 3rd placed Cheddleton 'H'. Fenton 'A' please take note of how it's done !!!!

No Christmas Cheer In Cheshire

2009-12-01T22:32:00.002Z

Fenton 'A' remain rooted to the bottom of Division 2 after another 4.5 - 0.5 hammering at top of the league Macclesfield. The unavailability of Jerry (still under house arrest), Andy Stoat and the Mad Mullah meant that we had to send a weakened team on the long trek north to face a side who outgraded us by a massive 121 grading points on the night. The only bright spot was an excellent draw conjured up by the Magician on Board 5 against a player who outgraded him by 25 points and, in the process, maintaining his unbeaten start to the season. Our opponents tactics of freezing the bollocks off of us in the igloo they call a club house, and then cramming 3 of us onto a table meant for 2, didn't help our cause.

It's not on the Fenton website yet but the 'C' team match against Newcastle 'D' has been re-arranged for Monday 7th December at Newcastle Bridge Club. Unfortunately I won't be available so Mark Whitby has kindly agreed to step in for me and will be arranging the team for what is a very important match for us as Newcastle and ourselves are joint top of Division 4.

Mings Ain't What They Used To Be - An Ode To Ming

2009-11-19T20:07:00.002Z

A Fenton chess player called Ming
Was inclined to surrender his king
So last night he played on board four
We thought he'd at least get a draw
But he couldn't even do that
Because he played like a twat
He lost a rook for a knight
And he really played shite
His opponent then queened
And sat there and preened
But Ming still thought he was up to the job
So he didn't resign - he played on like a knob
But with his opponent about to deliver checkmate
He just hung his head and accepted his fate

Anybody who wants to nominate me as the new Poet Laureate, please feel free !!!!!

The Shiny New Penny

2009-11-16T11:49:00.000Z

As I'm sure you've all heard by now, the back bar of the New Penny, where the club meets, is undergoing refurbishment.

I think what this actually means is that the spittoons are being replaced and the light sockets are actually going to have bulbs put in. Whether they'll really push the boat out and install energy saving bulbs is another matter.

Apparently the carpet is also coming up and the floor is just having tarmac put down - so much easier to wash the blood away after a particularly vicious chess match !!

Bulldogs Win The Civil War

2009-11-14T19:44:00.000Z

The Staffordshire Bulldogs narrowly beat the Terriers by 6.5 - 5.5 in this afternoon's Staffordshire derby. Fenton provided 4 players for the Terriers - Karl, Richard, myself and Carl on Boards 2, 4, 6 and 8 respectively. I was the first to finish with a 16 move draw in a game that could well have replaced Horlicks as an aid to sleep. Emperor Ming managed to lose a piece and the inevitable loss followed. Carl got a good draw in what could have been a tricky endgame. Richard then contiued his excellent unbeaten start to the season with what was, for him, a disappointing draw in a position where he had 2 Queens on the board.

Financial Crisis Averted

2009-11-10T17:06:00.000Z

A new financial crisis was narrowly averted last night when Stuart Hull, the Chairman of the World Bank, announced that Emperor Ming had finally paid his subs. The Fenton Pound rallied on this news and was trading at a new high of 1F£ = 1p on world money markets earlier today.

Alistair Darling will not now need to take Fenton Chess Club into public ownership so the taxpayer can breathe a huge sigh of relief.

Ming now owns 4% of Fenton Chess Club.

Harry Hill's TV Burp

2009-11-10T00:12:00.001Z

In the immortal words of Harry Hill - who's the better chess player - Emperor Ming or Dusty Bin Laden ?

There's only one way to find out - FIGHT !!!!!!!!

Where Was Bin Laden ?

2009-11-09T23:59:00.004Z

A strong Fenton 'C' team were too much for Meir 'B' tonight, eventually winning by 3-1. This win takes us to joint top of Division 4, where we are level on points with Newcastle 'D'. In fact, Newcastle 'D' are our next opponents at the New Penny on 23rd November so we could go into December sitting on top of the heap.

Back to tonight's game though and although we fielded a strong side - outgrading Meir on every board - it would have been even stronger had Dusty Bin Laden made an appearance. However, despite confirming his availability last week, and being sent a reminder this morning - he 'forgot' he was playing !!! A more likely explanation is that he was turning out for al-Qaeda against the CIA. Unfortunately this was his second 'no show' in as many weeks so disciplinary action may be necessary.

Fortunately the Fenton team bus had brought along 3 groupies and Emperor Ming stepped into the breach on Board 1 and scored a very good win. Richard continued his unbeaten start to the season with what looked like a very one sided game on Board 4. Mark went a couple of pawns up on Board 2 fairly early on and, despite a slight hiccup when he allowed his opponent to cause havoc with his knight and win a pawn back, managed to go into the endgame in a winning position. The only downside to the evening was when I managed to completely bollocks up my game on Board 3 and was mated about 30 seconds before I was going to lose on time. The pressures of captaincy are obviously getting to me.

Wembley Beckons !!

2009-11-03T05:35:00.005Z

Fenton moved smoothly into the semi-final of the Intermediate (U130) Trophy on Monday evening with a 5-0 drubbing of Hassell. The fact that this was because Hassell didn't even turn up does not detract from a fine all round performance by the Fenton team !!

The other thing that didn't turn up was the sandwiches - at least they hadn't by the time I'd left - which wasn't such good news.

The latest news from Kabul is that Abdulbari Abdulbari has withdrawn from the Afghan Presidential contest so should be available for future Fenton matches.

ECF Grading List

2009-10-30T13:03:00.003Z

As you may have noticed, I've added a link to the English Chess Federation Grading List on the right hand side of my Blog. So if you want to find your own or anybody elses grading just click on the link.

Where's Flash Gordon When You Need Him ?

2009-10-29T22:47:00.008Z

Why do we never see Karl Walklate and Emperor Ming in the room at the same time ????

There were mixed fortunes for Fenton at the New Penny on Monday evening. The 'A' Team's dismal start to the season continued with a 4.5 - 0.5 drubbing by Newcastle 'B'. The late withdrawal of Abdulbari Abdulbari, who was otherwise engaged in fiddling the Afghan elections, and the unavailability of Tony Holdford and Rob Taylor meant that we had to field a weakened team. Pete Tideswell stepped into the breach on Board 5 but was like the little boy with his finger stuck in the dyke as he was washed away by Pete Shaw. Whether Pete Shaw likes being referred to as a dyke is another matter !!! John's tactics of trying to bore the arse off of Martyn Harris on Board 2 failed dismally as he converted a win into a loss in his own inimitable style. Andy Stoat was then weasily beaten on Board 3 for his 3rd consecutive loss of the season. He's rapidly turning into the Port Vale of North Staffs chess. Jerry, released on bail by the UK Border Force, was unfortunate to come up against a very strong opponent on Board 1 in the shape of Alex Richardson and was involuntarily repatriated. It was then left to Ernie 'The Fastest Milkman In Fenton' Wilkinson to salvage Fenton pride with an excellent draw on Board 4.

The 'C' Team continued their unbeaten start to the season with a 2-2 draw against a very strong Cheddleton team who outgraded us on every board. What can only be described as a brilliant win by The Magician on Board 4 got us off to a flying start. Unfortunately Emperor Ming retrieved the situation for Cheddleton by losing on Board 1 soon after. Draws on Boards 2 and 3 by Richard and myself ensured that we took a point from the match.

A Dash Of Worcester Sauce

2009-10-18T21:28:00.003+01:00

The Staffordshire Terriers took on Worcestershire in an U-120 County match this afternoon and, despite being outgraded on 9 of the 12 boards, came away with a 6-6 draw. The Fenton Mafia provided almost 50% of the Terriers team, with 5 of us making the journey to Redditch. Stuart was the first to finish as he got us off to a flying start on Board 8 with a good win in double quick time. Richard got a good win on Board 3 at just about the same time that Karl was losing on Board 2. Carl was extremely unlucky to only come away with a draw on Board 9. Despite being a couple of pawns to the good, his King was in the open and his opponent managed to get a draw by repetition. I was unable to continue my unbeaten start to the season when I lost on Board 6. I narrowly avoided losing on time, only to resign a couple of moves later.

Captain's Log - Star Date 20091014

2009-10-15T12:26:00.004+01:00

A great start for the Fenton 'C' team in their opening fixture of the new season. Last night we travelled to Kidsgrove and came away with a 2.5 - 1.5 win thanks to draws on Boards 2,3 and 4 by Richard, Stuart and Geoff and a win on Board 1 by myself.

Unfortunately, 21st Century technology hasn't quite reached Kidsgrove yet as they produced some fancy digital clocks before the start of the match but were totally unable to understand how to make them work !!! The match eventually started when they managed to find 4 sundials.

The Magician stepped into the team on Board 3 at the last minute as Karl Walklate appears to have become the Invisible Man - although 'appears' is probably the wrong word because that's what he actually doesn't do !! Anyway, Stuart conjured up a good draw to start the night off.

We then looked to be struggling on Board 4, where Paula Yates decided, yet again, that castling was a total waste of time. He eventually ended up in the most cramped position imaginable, followed by his opponent promoting a pawn. At this point I actually wrote him down on the score sheet as a loss. Being a Queen down doesn't seem to bother Paula too much though and he then did his impression of Steve McQueen to perform the Great Escape by getting a draw by repetition. His only problem in the end was picking up the pieces whilst wearing that baseball glove.

A cramped game on Board 2 for Richard, with no pawns coming off, led to the inevitable draw and the match tied, at this point, at 1.5 each.

It was then left to Captain Marvel to inspire the troops with a hard fought win on Board 1 before being carried shoulder high back to the car park.

I'm now looking to ending the week on a high when West Ham visit Stoke Shitty to show them how football is supposed to be played.

When You're In Trouble Don't Call The 'A' Team

2009-10-09T09:36:00.006+01:00

Last night's visit to Alsager for the 'A' Team's opening fixture of the season ended in a 4-1 defeat. We were, unfortunately, without 2 of our strongest players - John succumbing to illness and Jerry taken into custody by the UK Border Force. Despite being heavily outgraded on all boards most of the games were very close and, with a little luck, the result might have been different. Tony had an excellent draw on Board 1 and yours truly, looking every inch like a young Robert Redford, managed the same on Board 4. Andy came up against ex-Fenton player Ben Zitha on Board 2 but a speculative Rook sacrifice was never enough to win him the game and he resigned in one of those frustrating positions where he had mate on the move but never had the opportunity to make it. Kamal had a good game on Board 3 but, despite having a Rook for a Knight and 2 pawns, he was unable to stop the march of his opponent's Kings Rook Pawn. Carl Mustafa, our stand-in Captain for the night, started really well on Board 5 but then got over excited and gave a piece away. After that it was all downhill.

It's my first match as a Fenton Team Captain next Wednesday when the 'C' Team take on Kidsgrove 'B' and, hopefully, I'll have some good news to report.

Burger On The Orient Express

2009-06-26T12:58:00.002+01:00

Apparently my last blog caused some friction at Amison Towers so John is having to placate his wife (the Basford one, not the New Penny One) with promises of a trip on the Orient Express. Unfortunately for her, what she doesn't know is that it's actually the Leyton Orient Express so all she's getting is a trip up and down the Central Line followed by a Big Mac.

Back In The Blogosphere

2009-06-20T11:50:00.006+01:00

I know you've missed me but the Blogmeister is now back so you can all relax.

After a fine finish to the normal season we were delusional enough to enter a couple of teams in the Rapid Play League. Unfortunately success eluded us and it soon became apparent that both Fenton teams should really have been playing in the Crapidplay League, with the White Knights more aptly named as the Shite Knights.

Anyway, the expenses scandal rumbles on with the Sentinel publishing more details of Fenton Chess Club Members expenses.

John Amison is the latest one in the spotlight as he has now been exposed as flipping his second wife in order to avoid Capital Groins Tax. Apparently he is now claiming that the barmaid at the New Penny is his real wife and the one in Basford is just used at weekends.

Stuart Hull has been claiming for a fez and a wand as they are an essential requirement in order for him to perform his duties as The Magician. Apparently his old wand wore out because he was waving it about in his hand all the time - often in public.

Geoff Yates bar bill is also under scrutiny. His claim that he needs 10 pints of Special Brew to steady his nerves before a match were met with a degree of scepticism after he was found slumped under a table in the outside smoking area. He later claimed that the underneath of the table in the smoking area was actually his second home when he was attending chess matches on behalf of the club.

These claims, and more that are soon to be revealed, should be the subject of some discussion at the AGM later this month when we decide whether to de-select them.

The Sound Of Silence

2009-05-12T01:01:00.002+01:00

I've been asked about the deafening silence on my blog following West Ham's 3-0 home defeat on Saturday by the Liver Birds. Well the truth of the matter is that we were mugged by a bunch of thick Scouse chavs who, if they hadn't been playing football, would probably have been nicking the wheels off your car - assuming they had time after a hard days shoplifting.

Bowled Over

2009-05-12T00:45:00.004+01:00

The Fenton Suicidal Pawns made the trip up the A34 this evening to take on Macclesfield in the U-130 Section of the Rapidplay League. The match was played at Macclesfield Cricket Club but it was Fenton who were bowled over, with Karl Walklate and Phil Grocott both being out for a duck in both innings. I managed to lose on time in my first game, despite being 3 pawns up. I then contrived to draw my second game, whilst a rook and pawn up, as my opponent managed to engineer a repetetive check. Rob Taylor saved Fenton blushes with a draw and a win in his two matches on Board 1. Final scores in the two matches were Fenton 0.5 Macclesfield 3.5 and Fenton 1.5 Macclesfield 2.5.

The Missionary Position

2009-05-02T18:22:00.004+01:00

So the mighty Hammers beat Stoke City Kick & Hope FC - no surprise there then. Well probably the only surprise is that it wasn't more than 1-0.

We Cockneys are like missionaries, sent up to the wastelands of the Potteries to educate the Clayheads, whether it be in chess, football or whatever.

The Tideswell Turned

2009-05-01T00:01:00.006+01:00

A fantastic end to the season for Fenton (if you ignore next week's final game for the 'B' team) saw a weakened Fenton team beating Rushall 3-2 in the Withnall Cup Final. Missing a couple of players who would have strengthened the team, those who turned out rose to the occasion magnificently. Our legendary non-playing Captain, Stuart Hull, stepped into the breach for a rare appearance on Board 4. Emu was unavailable but, fortunately, Peter Tideswell was persuaded out of semi-retirement to play on Board 5, and play he certainly did.

It all started badly though as Karl lost very quickly on Board 2. I managed to retrieve the situation by winning my game on Board 1 a little later. The match was then poised on a knife edge with Geoff in a losing position on Board 3, Stuart in a favourable position and Peter looking to be level. If the match had ended like this it would have been drawn and Fenton would have lost on board count.

At this point Geoff decided to knock a pint of beer all over both his and Stuart's boards. Unfortunately however this tactic didn't prevent Geoff from losing his game. It was then left to The Magician to give a Royal Command performance, with rabbits coming out of his hat all over the place, and finally pulling out a tremendous finish to win his game on Board 4. This left the match level at 2-2, with everything depending on Peter Tideswell on Board 5. Anything other than a win meant that Rushall would win the match.

With the rest of the team pacing up and down Peter went a pawn up. His opponent won the pawn back but Peter then gave up another pawn to give himself the chance to move a pawn to the 7th rank, supported by a rook. His opponent was unable to prevent him from promoting the pawn and, shortly afterwards, lost on time whilst a Queen down. This was a tremendous win for Peter bearing in mind how little he has played this season and the pressure he was under to produce a result.

Congratulation to everybody who has played in the Witnall Cup this season. This win completes The Double for Fenton following the Division 4 Championship.

Out Of Toon

2009-04-28T17:27:00.004+01:00

Even an excruciating pre-match rendition of The Blaydon Races by a fat, pot bellied Geordie couldn't inspire Newcastle to a win on Monday evening. Martyn Harris and his striking partner Orville looked sadly short of pace playing up front and could make no impression on the Pompey defence. So it now looks likely that they will be playing in Division 2 of the North Staffs Chess League next season. I'm sure that Alan Shearer and company are anxiously awaiting the visit of the Fentoon Army !!!

Many thanks to Geoff for his Master Class in chess opening theory on Monday evening. The latest thinking on Planet Yates is that the best defence for Black against ANY opening by White is to position your pawns on e3 and f3 at the earliest opportunity. This position can then be further strengthened by not bothering to castle. The underlying subtlety of these moves was clearly missed by John who accidentally won 2 pieces in quick succession.

We Are The Champions !!!!

2009-04-25T14:33:00.003+01:00

Whilst Fenton were losing to Hassell last night, Kidsgrove 'A' were beating Cheddleton 'H'. This result ensures that, despite a shaky end to the season, Fenton 'C' are finally confirmed as undisputed Division 4 Champions. Well done to Mark Whitby and his team. So that's the first leg of The Double accomplished. We now just need to see off the Yam Yams from the Wolverhampton League next week.

No Hassle For Hassell

2009-04-24T23:51:00.003+01:00

A disappointing night for Fenton in the U-90 Cup Final against Hassell. Despite outgrading Hassell on all boards the match ended in a 2-2 draw. Losses for Mark Whitby and Geoff Yates on the top 2 boards meant that, despite wins for Richard Cantliffe and Robert West, Hassell won the match on board count.

Mark Whitby later complained that the playing surfaces on the boards supplied by Newcastle Chess Club weren't up to Cup Final standard, citing this as the reason for his loss in what, at one point, had looked like a straightforward win.

The match was watched by a capacity crowd at Newcastle Chess Club. Crowd violence erupted at one point when the mother of one of the Hassell junior players stamped her foot and threw a knitting pattern on the floor. However, police dog handlers quickly restored order. The offending parent has since been given a Chess Banning Order by the courts.

This means that The Treble is no longer on so we'll be lowering our sights to The Double of the Withnall Cup and the Division 4 Championship.

Unfortunately, we appear to be struggling to raise a team for the Withnall Cup Final on Thursday and it looks a distinct possibility that Stuart Hull, our legendary non-playing Captain, will be forced into action on Board 3, with Emu on Board 4. Or it may be the other way round as the last time they played each other the glove puppet won.

A 'Meir' Formality

2009-04-21T15:14:00.012+01:00

Well actually it wasn't a formality at all as the Fenton 'A' team just about managed to skulk away with a point after a draw against Meir 'A' in our final league match of the season. Even the presence of a coach load of supporters - well, Geoff and Stuart - couldn't inspire us to finish the season on a high. The absence of Andy Stott and Tony Holdford meant the team wasn't as strong as it could have been so a draw wasn't too much of a disappointment.

I was the first to finish, with a draw against Pete Woodward - barely recognisable from his 1980's tv persona, The Equalizer. I was followed shortly afterwards by John, whose Ovaltine Opening sent both him and his opponent to sleep. A draw for Rob Taylor and an excellent win for Jerry on Board 2 left us needing half a point to win the match. Unfortunately, Kamal blundered a Knight away in a drawn position and resigned shortly afterwards, leaving the match drawn at 2 and a half each.

However, all is not doom and gloom in the Fenton camp. The U-90 team play Hassell in the Final of the U-90 Cup this coming Friday. Good luck to everybody playing in that match. The 'C' team appear to be guaranteed at least a share of the Division 4 title - depending on the result of the match between Cheddleton 'H' and Kidsgrove 'A'. If Kidsgrove manage to take anything from this match then Fenton 'C' will be undisputed Division 4 Champions. Finally, Fenton play Rushall of the Wolverhampton League in the Final of the U-101 Withnall Cup on Thursday 30th April. Once again, good luck to everybody taking part in that match.

So, The Treble for the Manchester United of Staffordshire chess is a distinct possibility. I am reliably informed that, should we achieve this, there will be a procession from the New Penny to the bottom of Goldenhill Road in an open top Volkswagen camper van, followed by a Civic Reception at the Newcastle Kebab House. This will be hosted by the Lord Mayor of Stoke - if he can get day release from prison.

No Rabbit, No Hat And No Sandwiches

2009-04-07T10:26:00.002+01:00

You could tell it was all going to end in tears when the evening started with the announcement that there were no sandwiches !! Apparently the Fenton Flour Famine had struck and the New Penny was a bread free zone. The disappointment on the faces of our opponents, Cheddleton 'D', was evident as the free food is their main reason for coming - the points they always take off us are just an added bonus.

Anyway, due to most of John's body parts not functioning, Stuart took on his usual role as non-playing Captain, albeit of the 'A' team this time. Unfortunately The Magician was unable to pull any rabbits out of any hats on this occasion and the only piece of magic was when the entire Fenton team, with the exception of John, disappeared up their own arses.

On another note, Stuart tells me that he is going to buy a fez and will be available for childrens parties at the end of the season. Although if you can tell the difference between a childrens party and the Fenton Chess Team you're a better man than I am.

The Tommy Cooper Of Fenton

2009-04-01T16:06:00.002+01:00

Inspired by our non-playing Captain, Stuart 'The Magician' Hull, Fenton 'B' conjured up an unexpectedly good win against Alsager 'A' on Monday night to propel us into 2nd place in Division 3. 'Non-playing' now seems to be his best position in the team !!! Geoff Yates continued his recent run of good form with a draw on Board 3 - due in no small part to me explaining the Castling rule to him in great detail before the match started. Just as we thought he wasn't going to bother again he fooled us all by castling Queen side. I'm not going to go into any detail about my game - suffice it to say I was wonderful and rewarded myself with a couple of extra egg mayonnaise sandwiches.

Half A Loaf

2009-03-13T10:32:00.008Z

Half a loaf is better than no bread as they say and so it proved last night at Alsager when Fenton 'C' only managed a draw against Alsager 'B'. Leading 2-1, and with only my game to finish, we only needed a draw to secure the win for Fenton. However, in my own inimitable fashion, I managed to win a pawn, closely followed by another, before getting all of my pieces in a terrible position and then delivering a self inflicted coup de grace by leaving a knight en prise. I did the decent thing - knocked the king over and went home and sulked all night. Chess can be a very frustrating game !!! Obviously not for Rob Taylor though who showed us all how it should be done with a tremendous win on Board 1 in double quick time.

I now fully expect West Ham to lose at home to West Brom on Monday night.

A Good Night All Round

2009-03-05T18:04:00.001Z

My first attempt at blogging - which, considering I've spent my entire working life in IT, is pretty pathetic !!!!

Anyway, last night was a good night all round. Fenton 'C' beat Newcastle 'D' to go top of Div 4 of the North Staffs Chess League, West Ham beat Wigan and Stoke City (bless their useless cotton socks) beat Bolton. The next miracle will be for West Ham to qualify for Europe and Stoke to avoid relegation. Can life get any better ????